Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Mommy Guilt, Airports, Sickness

1. Mommy Guilt. One of the worst parts of being a mom of two is feeling like you can't be a 100% good mom to both kids. "Oh, I will be different," you think. "I will be able to pay attention to both kids at once." Then, C needs a hug at the same instant that N is getting a messy diaper changed, and I have to tell C that I will hug him in a minute.

Postponing a hug? You must be a monster!

Sorry, my inner critic speaks in italics. You may hear from him from time to time. He looks like Top Chef judge and celebrity chef Tom Colicchio: He is very unforgiving, but very vocal as well.

In honor of Mother's Day, maybe I will try to keep him quiet a bit more. But how?

2. Airports. One of the weird things of pregnancy and postpartum is a weird connection with my memory that I usually don't have. I will have a sudden impression of something from my memory that brings back such strong feelings of a particular situation and time in my life that I have to just stand there and think about it for a minute. Which does wonders for my scatter-brained tendencies, let me tell you.

Yesterday, I had a sudden memory of the smell of jet fuel and diesel that hits you as you walk down the little metal expando-hallway from an airplane into an airport. It smells kind of like a bus station. And there is usually the smell of airplane coffee mixed in. I may be weird, but it is an exciting smell to me -- connected with the idea of going new places, seeing new things, handing tickets to be scanned, racing, walking, rolling my tiny suitcase through metal-and-glass airports, seeing strange cityscapes at twilight, being "in" a city without really being in the city (Dallas! Cincinnati!) And airport codes, which I never forget. Why? I don't know. CVG! MCO! SLC!

3. Sickness. C is slightly ill, but his only symptom is a fever. As long as the fever is down, he seems to feel fine. Keeping him and N separate is somewhat of a challenge, but not as bad as it could be. Mom came over to help me clean yesterday which was a huge help.

N has started sleeping for longer stretches, sleeping at night (5+ hours in a row last night!) and napping in between daytime meals.

Be still my heart. Thank you, God. And I don't mean that in a profane way. Truly, thanks be to God that my girl will sleep sometimes :) This morning, she slept as I finished an editing assignment, completed my first set of teaching requirements for the day, and wrote this post.

!!! Maybe double-parenting is possible after all.

1 comment:

  1. You are an inspiration. I love reading your blog and "watching" your dealings with two babies. Sometimes I think that I could NEVER handle another based on Colin's behavior of the day. I like to hear that other mommy's aren't perfect, which so many come off as seeming. Thanks for sharing and I hope C feels better and pray that N continues to learn to sleep! That felt like a huge accomplishment when Colin finally learned that skill. :)