Thursday, July 15, 2010

Stress Test

The stress level around the Nash house is running high today, with B in bed suffering from a toothache so terrible he is seeing stars and can barely talk and certainly can't eat. He is on the books for an emergency root canal but for now nothing helps, not even the pain meds the dentist prescribed yesterday. It is so terrible to see him in pain, and there is literally absolutely nothing I can do to make it better. It really reminds me of how powerless I actually am over my life, as if I needed more reminders of that!

On the diet/exercise front, I have not craved sweets as much today as I have craved protein, which I suppose is a positive change. I hope that means I am building muscle and need to protein in order to maintain the lean muscle mass, although that could be wishful thinking after only two days back on the Shred.

Yesterday N decided she needed her formula bottle at 7:00 instead of 8:30, and would not rest nor stop screaming until she had it. She wouldn't even nurse, which I don't like, but after a point you have to stop trying to force your ideology on your baby. If she craves formula in the evenings, what can I do? It concerns me that she might be trying to phase me out of breastfeeding, which would be disappointing and definitely more expensive, but I have never felt confident about my milk supply so maybe the BF is just not cutting it anymore. I'm not giving up, though, As of now she is still on just one bottle of formula, and I want to keep it that way until she gets on some solids at around 6 months. Then, if she wants to drop a few of the nursings, that's all right, although of course I would like to continue as long as possible.

It is so difficult, the constantly-shifting needs. It is the scourge of taking care of a baby -- they change so quickly that as soon as you have actually figured out what they need and gotten the hang of delivering it, they change again and you are back where you started.

Sleep deprivation is also starting to get to me a bit -- the kids have been so needy this week that I have not been able to work during the day (today is an exception), so I have been starting my teaching at about ten at night, which leaves me finishing between midnight and 1am, dishes and laundry undone, toys scattered all over, etc. Then I wake up about every two hours after that to feed N, then up at 8 to a messy house, hungry kids, dirty diapers, and a new slate of work. It's kind of discouraging, but I know that the sleep deprivation makes it seem worse than it is. I might get to catch up soon, or get a few extra hours of sleep, and then the situation will not seem quite so dramatic or dire. Still, it has to be said, parenting is not for the weak! ;D

I have found that good nutrition makes handling (juggling) it all a little easier, so on that front I suppose I have made some progress, even if I haven't actually lost any weight or inches. I eat a lot of veggies, whole grain, and lean protein, and a little fruit, and it works well for a steady supply of energy. Now if only I could kick the coffee habit. But that's another challenge for another time, I think.

Time for a snack -- if you pray, say a quick prayer for me, and I will do the same for you.



  1. I am sorry life is so stressful right now. I'll definitely say a pray for you to make it through. Btw, I am right there with you and your weight loss journey. My sister has an 8 lbs. baby and is back to a size 6 in a matter of weeks, where I can't shed baby weight and its been 15 months. Ugh. Prayers all around! :)

  2. Heather, thanks so much for the support! It means a lot. If I find a magic weight loss bullet (fairy dust, etc.) I will let you know ;D I suspect that the fact that I enjoy baking so much has something to do with my struggle... ;D

  3. I get plenty of sleep and still find it stressful to wake up to kids needing me and housework that was left undone...sooo I think sleeplessness with all of that is SO HARD!!! I will say a prayer. Maybe check with Le Leche League? I know that if E or A had issues I often had to switch sides or hand express to get the milk going first. Chiro helped too, b/c sometimes pains in the neck will affect nursing behavior...but that's just what helped in the beginning. Eventually I did lose supply with E (12 months old) and did bottles. Sooo be gentle with yourself! You are doing great momma! :)

  4. Thanks, Evie! We decided to phase in more bottles because the LLLI list of things to do to improve supply either don't work, don't work well enough, or are impossible (like "don't stress" or "get plenty of sleep"). Phasing in formula is a humane choice for myself, although it requires me to let go of my idealistic stance on BF. :p Just having one day of less hungry screams has done wonders for my mood!! :)