Last fall I had a weird moment of realization while I was watching "The Holiday," of all things. I am forever having these epiphanies because of random pop culture tidbits.
Anyway, it's a great romantic comedy, if you like that sort of thing (which I do!), and there is this one scene where Kate Winslet and Jack Black's characters are talking. Basically, KW is a woman who has been in love with a man who likes her but is too flighty and ridiculous to really be in a relationship with her, and JB is in love with an actress who is two-timing him, but I think at the point in the movie where the conversation takes place, they are both sort of attached to these other people (you know, the classic "fall in love in spite of yourself" trope). Anyhow, JB is playing a song on the keyboard, and... you know what, instead of describing it, let me just attach the clip:
When he says, "I used only the good notes," it was like somehow I just looked at my life and I saw that there were so many good things filling it up -- like a table loaded down with bouquets of flowers, or like right before Thanksgiving dinner when all of the dishes are laid out and everyone has made their specialty, and it is special and beautiful and it smells great, and there is laughter in the background. I could see how many "good notes" that God uses in my life. That it was almost obscene how lucky I was.
I have been having moments like that again this week, feeling so grateful that I am almost ashamed. I mean, I am actually ashamed, thinking of the things I complain about -- the laundry keeps piling up, the dishes never end, C has tantrums in public... but then I think, I have a great husband, a house, health insurance, beautiful children, and an extended family where everyone basically gets along. I can afford my groceries. My challenges are real, but they are "detail-level" challenges.
This morning my life feels like a Hallmark card from God -- "Here are all the ways I love you," from Him to me, and I look around the table and see them -- shiny little baby blue eyes, faces smeared with chocolate or bananas, twenty sticky fingers, and then B comes in the door and he is glad to see me and I am glad to see him. It's like God's love was so huge and all-encompassing that I couldn't even see it. I almost can't really think about it, it's too big.
I can't think of a really good way to wind up this post -- I will just say that I am waking up to the huge blessings in my life, and feeling like I need to live my gratitude a little better than I have been. I mean, it's a gorgeous life.