Wednesday, April 11, 2012

If you can't say anything nice...

So it's been another week or so and the Happy Nashes are getting back on their feet in more ways than one. Ben took his first steps on the hackneyed ankle today, and he was able to put a little bit of weight on it, though less than he had hoped. It looks like, just like so many other things, it will be slow and steady rather than quick.

I have the blessing of CHILDCARE this week finally, and it is only day 3 but it has made a big difference. Just knowing I have a few guaranteed hours of work time for which I don't have to trade my sleep makes it easier to get through the challenges of the day.

Just wanted to share something brief that happened to me on Monday. I was stopping off at the ATM to get money for the babysitter, because of course I have no idea where my checkbook is, and when I got back in the car I began working with my schedule to see how I could complete the rest of my tasks for the day. The day was really full because I had grades due for two different schools (which usually doesn't happen, but on Monday it did) and I had been interrupted in my nighttime work for the past few nights, on top of it being Easter and Norah's birthday party, which were fun but took up some time as well.

So anyway, sitting there with my little sketched-out schedule leaned up on the steering wheel, I suddenly just made a conscious choice to cut out the negative self talk. The NST, as I will call it, is so much a part of my mental monologue that I barely hear it anymore, but it is always there, nattering away.

So on Monday I decided not to say things like:

-You are so lazy, you didn't do any of this work until today. No wonder you are stressed.
-You can't keep track of anything, not even your checkbook. Everybody knows where their checkbook is. You shouldn't have ever taken it out of your purse.
-You are never going to be able to work enough to pay for ___.

Instead, I told myself things like:

-You have a lot to handle right now, and you are doing the best you can.
-Just take it one thing at a time, and put one foot in front of the other.
-You need some extra time to complete your goals, because you need to catch up on sleep and be kind to yourself.

It made a huge difference! I didn't realize how much it would help. So now, when you look over at the stop light and see me talking to myself, alone in the car, you will know that I am saying nice things instead of mean things. ;) And also that I am insane, but that is not a surprise.

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