Saturday, November 24, 2012

Actual Thanks This Time

Thanks to the magical transformative power of writing about things, I feel a million times better about all the things I was complaining about in my last post. I thought about taking it down -- because, let's face it, it's a downer -- but it was an authentic expression of the moment, so it stays.

With that being said, this week I have been able to let go of a lot of those terrible grinding grievances and to let go of a whole barrow full of shoulds, so that every day I have only a few goals instead of a million, and it makes things much better.

To be honest, I think part of what is going on is a good old-fashioned midlife crisis, although I seem to be starting just a little early. I can tell that I am not doing the things that I am meant to do, and so I have to change my course in some way, just a little bit every day. It's time to take up my weapons and go into battle again -- battle for ambition, and future, and fulfillment, and even fight for the self and all of these things that get put on ice when you have little babies. But now it's time to stand up and do the lady version of "be a man" and actually go after the things that I want.

Scary, bewildering, exhilarating. Like a second iteration of adolescence. But I'm set up better for reinvention now than I ever have been, because this time around I know why I have to do these things. I see my reasons every day:

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