1. Give yourself 50 points for gestating or adopting, no matter what kind of pregnancy, birth, or adoption process you had.
2. Do you let your kids starve? If yes, give yourself zero points. If no, give yourself 25 points.
3. Are your kids happy more often than they are unhappy? If yes, give yourself 25 points. If not, give yourself 12 points.
4. How often do you make dinner from scratch? Give yourself 10 points for each day per week that you do.
5. How many enriching activities (museum trips, zoo visits, etc.) do you do with your kids every month? Give yourself 20 points for each.
6. What percentage of your children’s food is organic? Give yourself a point for every percentage point of their total diet.
7. Write your final score on a piece of paper and go into the bathroom.
8. Tear up that fucking piece of paper and flush it down the toilet.
9. Look at yourself in the mirror and repeat after me: “I am a good mother because I care about whether or not I am a good mother.”
10. DONE! :)