Lucid Dreaming

Just a little note about something awesome... I don't know if you have ever heard of lucid dreaming, but it is basically a state in which you are dreaming, you know you are dreaming, and yet you completely control what you do. It's kind of like being in a video game, where you can do anything you want. One of the features of lucid dreaming is that it tends to occur during short periods of sleep rather than long solid nights -- which is why I get to enjoy it while taking care of a young baby (up every 4 hours at the least, often more frequently). I had these kinds of dreams when C was little, and now I am having them with N. It is so much fun! :) Last night I was running around in San Francisco and I actually flew over the Golden Gate Bridge. I remember the moment when I decided to fly -- "I'm dreaming, why not?" I could feel the air and the wet droplets of fog, smell the salt, look down at the giant expansive bridge; it was amazing! I highly recommend it. :)

7/4/1776

Today I am thankful that there are so many people who disagree with my political opinions, so that there can be a better balance of forces in US politics. I think that any power, unchecked, is dangerous, and I am thankful that we can have a (relatively) peaceful interchange of ideas in which both the individual and the society are considered. Sometimes it can seem frustrating, and like no progress is really being made, but if someone else's opposing opinion can keep my views from becoming monolithic and megalomaniacal (which would cause them to balloon, take over, and then destruct in a spectacular manner, like the extreme-left ideology of the early USSR) then that is a great miracle of democracy, and a great reason to keep on believing in the American experiment.

Just quit having those ridiculous tea parties. Seriously.

A short post to report the things of the week:

One great thing is that the course I am teaching has been redesigned so that it requires a LOT less grading. In particular, the heinous assignments that had to be graded within 48 hours of whenever the student felt like turning them in have been abolished, meaning that I have entire days now when I don't have to grade anything. Which has done wonders for my general morale and my housekeeping skills. I have actually done some laundry (emptied out the playpen, which was full to the top with clean clothes needing to be folded and put away).

I felt like a change in the house, so I rearranged the living room furniture a bit. It was fun to do myself, since I'm not pregnant anymore and I don't have to worry about picking up something heavy. I like the new arrangement. :)

I also got another post published on the Modestly Yours blog. It's always fun to see my stuff up there.

For next week, I have a goal of revising my short story and deciding where to send it first, with an absolute deadline for submission of a week from Monday. I have to quit stalling! (Quit stalling! Quit stalling!)

Happy Independence Day! Do something independent to celebrate ;D

Whole Grain Week

This week (starting Monday, and with the exception of the homemade crackers that I tasted) I have eaten only whole grains this week -- no refined anything. I have also avoided eating any sort of concentrated sugar, like cookies or cakes or candy. The sweetest thing I have had is raisins and dates and a bit of honey or jam here and there.

Why do I bother mentioning this? Because I have lost 4 pounds in the past 6 days (!!!) and have not had a mid-afternoon energy slump, either. Just thought I would share that, because it has been the first weight-loss and improved energy success that I have had since N was born. I have a goal to lose another 4 by the 4th of July, so I am finding places in my day to add a bit of exercise. It's hard, though, in this hot weather! What do you do to exercise in the heat of summer, other than walking around the mall?

Homemade Cheese Crackers

I just made these from a recipe that I adapted for myself; the original needed a food processor and was seasoned differently. I don't have a food processor so I switched it up a bit and it turned out really, really yummy.

1 cup flour
4 tbsp butter
1/4 cup parmesan cheese (I used the cheapo pregrated stuff in the can and it still turned out really good)
Morton's Brand Nature's Seasoning (celery salt + pepper + onion + garlic)
turmeric (if you want them yellow)
3-4 tbsp of buttermilk

Let the butter soften but not melt (I popped it from the fridge to the microwave for 30 seconds). Mix in the paremesan to form an evenly-textured paste.

In a bowl, put the flour and seasoning. You could use different seasoning if you wanted -- italian seasoning, or cumin + chili pepper, etc. etc. The turmeric is purely cosmetic and I put it in so that C might eat the crackers. Cut in the butter/cheese mixture until it is an even, crumby texture. If you have made your own biscuits or pie crust this step will look very familiar.

Add the buttermilk, one tbsp at a time, stirring. Stop adding buttermilk when the mixture comes together as a dough.

Knead about 12 times.

Roll the dough out to 1/8 inch and cut into squares with a pizza cutter. Sprinkle with salt if you want. Lift the squares from the rolling board to a baking sheet with a spatula.

Bake at 350 for 10-12 minutes or until the edges just barely start to brown.

Store in an airtight container. Ta da! :) Yum.

Homemade Yogurt Recipe

Here is the homemade yogurt recipe -- no special equipment needed other than a candy thermometer.

-4 cups of milk (I like organic whole milk for this)
-3 tbsp plain yogurt

-1 saucepan
-1 candy thermometer
-1 large glass jar big enough to hold 4 cups
-1 cooler filled with hot water

1. Heat the milk to 180F, stirring every so often.
2. Turn the heat off and let the milk cool to 118F.
3. Take some of the cooled milk and mix it with the yogurt
4. Mix the yogurt-milk mixture back into the large pot of milk, stir. (You can add some buttermilk at this point as well for a slightly tangy yogurt)
5. Pour the milk into the jar and seal
6. Put the jar into the cooler. Make sure the water comes up to the top of the jar.
7. Close the cooler and wait 5 hours.

Yogurt! :) The next time you make it you can use some of your batch of yogurt to culture the next.

Quotidian / Miracle

You do not like them, so you say;
Try them and you may, I say!

I have Dr. Seuss running through my head tonight; I have had a moment something like the epiphany at the end of Green Eggs and Ham where suddenly what I was running from makes sense.

I had a heartwarming moment, or rather a chain of moments today, and I feel like that feeling -- that heart-hug feeling -- is a gift from God and I am grateful for that gift. It's something like this:

On the way to the store today in the car I was suddenly struck by how amazing, miraculous, beautiful, fantastic it is that when I drive to the store I have these two amazing little people with me... it's hard to explain in words, I just suddenly felt how fully miraculous C and N are, and I felt so lucky to be their mom that I teared up a little and had to get ahold of myself so I could drive. So it was sort of a random gratitude attack. Nothing wrong with that.

Then, tonight, which I am ashamed to say is only the second night that I have ever prayed with C, I am realizing that there is something going on in those lessons, some kind of strange spiritual alchemy -- I show him how to pray, but the things that he says, hearing from his own mouth what he chooses to say thank you for, they just floor me. He remembers things from hours and days before, little things that he liked, that he enjoyed. He seemed relieved to have a forum to say thank you for these things; he seems to genuinely enjoy listing his blessings, and there is real gratitude there as well, so sweet and innocent but very instructive to me; I spend a lot of time listing out the things that we need or want but we don't have yet -- a back porch, a fence, a college fund -- and I forget about all the really amazing things that are all around me. For example, this house! I complain about its little quirks, but it is larger, cleaner, and sturdier than any other place I have ever lived in my life. How can I complain about that? I feel like I am learning so much more about how lucky I am by teaching C to verbalize his thanks for the little daily things he loves so much.

Then, the final touch, N was having her nightly bottle and I looked down at her and she was grinning at me, this huge, toothless, milky grin. It had real understanding and real mischief in it -- so much character in that little smile. My girl is only almost three months old, but I feel like I know her so well already, I feel like we have talked and had conversation even though in reality she has only wailed (and in the past week, begun to coo! Which I love so much).

Somehow in the combination of those three little happenings I felt what I have been missing and praying for, and which I feel lucky to have received -- something tangible from God, some little point of connection. And I felt in that moment for the first time since N was born that I really am a good mom; seeing both of my kids showing such sweet, empathetic impulses makes me think that somehow I must be getting some of what I wanted to teach them out there and into their minds. It was like a shoulder squeeze, a little word from God that was so much kinder and gentler than what I expected to hear. I have a long list of the things I have not been doing right lately, but instead of any of that it was such a positive message, a "you did good" message. It makes me think that God is not the legalistic punitive figure that is sometimes presented to us; that maybe it is true what I have suspected in little bits from time to time -- that God is so much bigger than what we can imagine, and that somehow (paradoxically) he never seems larger or more all-encompassing than he does when he appears in those tiny daily details, those moments behind the wheel, during nighttime prayer with a toddler, or in a gleeful milky grin from a little girl so fresh from him.